Fear & Struggle & Resistance, Oh My!

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I’ve just returned from the incredible Live Your Truth 2024 retreat held in the gorgeous beyond belief home of Christine and absolutely full of women I love so much! I feel that Ginny and I will do a podcast episode about this for Awaken Your Truth, so I won’t share too much, except for one specific opening exercise. I realize that what I am about to say will probably prevent anyone new from ever wanting to attend a retreat, haha, but here goes.

We were sitting in a circle and Ginny asked everyone to fill in the blank. “I am afraid for everyone to know that …”. We were going to go around the circle and say our fears out loud! Immediately we could feel the energy in the room shift to panic.

You might be wondering why in the world this might be considered a positive retreat exercise. If you have been with me for a while, you have heard me say that fear isn’t real. It’s all mind-manufactured. When we hide these imaginary fears they become huge and overpowering. Bringing to light to what is hidden actually releases the power and stranglehold that the fear has over your mind.

Let’s pause for a second before I tell you the fear I shared in the circle.

  • What are you afraid for everyone to know?

  • Can you say it out loud, even if it is just to yourself?

  • Can you write it down?

  • Are you afraid to say it? If so, what are you afraid of?

  • Does just thinking about saying it trigger intense emotions?

💖 If you are feeling a strong emotion right now, that’s amazing! You can be present with your emotions! If something comes up for you, pause right now and feel it. Let that energy move through by allowing it to be. 💖

Believe me, emotions were popping up like corn in that circle. It was incredibly scary to the mind. But these beautiful women, they did it. They shared, they felt the emotions, they felt the steady truth of unconditional love, and hopefully there was a sense of lightness, after acknowledging and being willing to feel the emotion attached to fear.

I had to go last in that circle, thank you very much Ginny Gane, and I could feel my heart pounding. The women had shared BIG fears, and my mind was telling me mine was so trivial, so stupid.

My little, niggling fear is that radiating my Truth of Joy, Love, and Peace:

  • Will be perceived as uncompassionate to another’s journey.

  • Will be judged as, “Oh, that’s easy for her to be that way: she is retired, loves her relationships, has freedom, doesn’t have kids or financial struggles or health issues…she is so removed from reality!”

  • Will be TOO MUCH and that people won’t want to share space with me

Now, this is a fear and I know it’s not real. What do I mean by this? It is not my Truth! I had the most amazing encounters at the retreat: an individual had questioned if my energy was authentic, and a few others admitted that they have avoided being around me when they are in the muck. I heard my mind’s fears being said out loud TO ME and I felt joy because I wasn’t scared anymore! It is absolutely okay if people feel like that!

And then I heard from a listener that it is really appreciated when I talk about struggling on my podcast.

Here is what I can say, dear friend. I went through years of darkness. It wasn’t easy. It was full of self-loathing, doubt, judgment, what seemed like one step forward and two steps back. But I honored the pull I had to know my truth as an individual spark of Source; to release fears, stories, judgements and conditioned beliefs; to open to feeling my emotions when they came up instead of numbing, stuffing or self soothing.

This was a lengthy practice. But I was devoted. And now I can say that I KNOW the truth of Joy-Love-Peace-Freedom. When I wobble, I tune in and connect with Source. When an emotion pops up I feel it. When I judge, I release with awareness and feel the love that is always underneath.

I know, know, know this is possible for you! Maybe it already is your truth, or maybe you are reading this because you feel the pull. Either way, both are cause for celebration.

I had the inspiration to dig out some old journal entries, to share the rawness of the struggle. Unfortunately, years ago I had a bonfire ceremony with my darkest journals because I felt, at the time, that the dense energy I’d transcribed on paper had to be transformed by fire. I could barely touch those journals. But I did find some great entries from 2022 to share with you. If you would like to hear a few of those entries read out loud (including a guest actor appearance by my husband, Tom, playing the part of my Inner Being!) check out my podcast, “Fear & Struggle & Resistance, Oh My!”

One last thing: I know that you are in the perfect place on your journey, regardless of what that place is. Okay, one more last thing. You are loved beyond words, no matter what that silly mind of yours might say.

xoxox - Katie