Journaling with Fear/Shame/Judgements About Food
/I write to you from my cozy cabin: wood fire crackling away, nestled up on the couch with a cup of coffee by my side, pausing to watch huge fluffy snowflakes, illuminated by our yard light, fall abundantly from the black sky. They drift to earth so quietly, and gently; it’s almost too mesmerizing to look away!
I’ve just finished my morning journaling with my Inner Being, and I received revolutionary guidance and new perspectives about my desire to create an easy, flowy menopause transition. How beautiful and aligned it is to watch the easy, flowy snowflakes and know that this is the reality I am creating for my body’s transition. I can’t wait to share more of that entry in the future, but for now, I’d like to ask:
What in your life is feeling easy and flowy?
What is not feeling easy and flowy?
Are you feeling fear/shame/judgment about this seemingly non-easy, non-flowy part of your life?
What do you “do” with those feelings of fear/shame/judgment?
If you are not sure, perhaps you would be interested in listening to my latest podcast, inspired by a fantastic listener question. In the episode I share how journaling with those feelings was a valuable “tool” on my awakening journey.
Below, I will share the actual entry I was discussing on the podcast, which involves the fear/shame/judgment I was feeling after an emotional eating experience.
10/8/22
Me/Mind: I have been having these epic shifts of knowingness/lightness/freedom/indescribable joy…and then this right now: flat with a note of anxiety. It’s the frustration of eating “too much”, of eating past when I was full, the feeling of eating because it feels comforting and I’m afraid that it’s being ”taken away”. That need feels so real, like it takes over and it feels uncontrollable. And I freaking hate that.
IB: What does that behavior provide?
It gives my mind a sensation of freedom and it feels kind of fun. Like it’s a treat. I feel so frustrated because it’s been coming up more often, and this morning it doesn’t feel healthy in my body. It feels “out of control”. Like I almost don’t believe that it’s possible to not have that behavior anymore.
These are the thoughts of the mind. What are the feelings?
Judgment, disappointment, fear, anxiety, discomfort, hate, blame. Wow. That’s a lot.
Is it possible that this behavior is coming up so much because you are ready to be conscious with it?
That does feel true. My mind wants to know if I ever can release it. Is it possible?
Do you want to?
My mind doesn’t want to. That’s why it’s holding on so tight.
What is your truth?
I am free. And this behavior doesn’t feel “free” even though the mind says it’s freedom. It feels controlling of my physical body.
In a way, this behavior is bringing up emotions for you to process, but with the eating part in the middle. Does it feel possible to skip the eating part in the middle?
Yes. It doesn’t feel true to think that this behavior will always be a part of me. It feels learned and conditioned. But it sounds hard and scary to fight my mind on this.
What if it doesn't have to happen right now? What if you get to practice?
I do like that. What can I do when that powerful urge shows up?
You’ve heard it before, sister. Relax. Appreciate. Slow down.
So, I can pause and take breaths. I can say, “I appreciate in this moment that I have a choice. I can appreciate my freedom in this moment to make any decision.” I can slow down with my physical movements. I see myself actually doing everything, even if it’s going to the pantry in slow motion. I love this so much.
And now, dear one, you have some emotions for feel.
I am feeling the shame and disappointment. I am feeling the “I messed up AGAIN.” I feel the light of forgiveness working in my body. I feel the shift. I KNOW this is all coming up as an opportunity. I know this is for me. I appreciate my awareness and my connection to Source to create anew.
What is the experience you wish to create?
True freedom to taste, to enjoy from a soul level! Freedom from the mind and freedom from conditioned behaviors. I know I am a creator and I am opening to a new experience: lightness and joy in my physical form and a release of the mind’s stories. It’s happening now.
We thank you for your presence and opening. We create anew with you. You bring forth the expansion with your awareness. The joy is here here here. Rejoice and feel the love that lifts eternally. This is a part of the release and all is perfection. Peace be in you, with you, around you: peace be your radiant light. ENJOY! 🩷🩷🩷