Stop Comparison. Period.

I love it when awareness unfolds in the most delightful and profound ways. I have the itch to share with you, because these are the juicy life tidbits that I love to talk about!

My husband and I were out on a date night, having a bit of bubbly in the big city. We were chatting away when Tom described a certain woman as an “extremely remarkable physical specimen”. (Nerd code for “hot”.) I felt a jolt of discomfort in my physical body. In the past, this sort of situation might have resulted in a number of reactions: stuffing down or numbing the uncomfortable emotion, holding silent resentment for my husband and collecting evidence about why he didn’t love me “enough”, harboring jealousy and animosity towards the woman, saying something snarky to my husband to inflict discomfort in him. These mind techniques at one point in my life all served the purpose of “keeping my ego safe” by avoiding feeling the discomfort of the not enoughs! But, as I love to share, I am making the decision to create a new way of being. When I realized that the trigger was there, I knew there was something to release. However, I decided I would save that feeling for later, for when I had more space and quiet to get present and get into the feels. It was like setting a book on a shelf with the promise to come back to it. I knew this was my sticky subject and didn’t want to get all tangled up in it while on date night!

I’m going to go into detail about the next morning, because this process has expanded my life experience into so much more joy, trust and love. I sat with my coffee and my inner being journal and summoned up awareness for the stories and emotions my husband’s comment had triggered. First, I could feel judgment that I had been triggered by the statement. So shallow and unevolved! I was judging myself for feeling discomfort at Tom’s observation. That is pure resistance- judging what “is”. With that awareness I could release the judgment of the discomfort lickedy-split. I had practiced knowingness that this story/emotion was old and it was popping up to be felt and released. Each time I do this I expand into a truer, freer version of me.

Then I felt for any lingering emotions. No mind stories, just emotions. I found a sense of sadness and shame. I could feel a tightness in my throat, kind of like the feeling you get when you want to cry. But instead of crying, my body directed my presence into noisy exhales, like yoga’s lion’s breath. As I continued I could feel that previous dense emotion lighten right up. From that fresh energetic perspective I had the awareness that my mind had been saying that because this woman was so damn hot, I was not enough for my husband. Well, no wonder the uncomfortable feelings came up! When I opened to my inner being, this is what I received:

“Can what he said about the woman be true, without meaning anything about your physical form? She is an extremely remarkable physical specimen. Period.”

I immediately felt truth resonate in my being; it felt profound. Perhaps you are smiling because you've already discovered this truth, but that aha felt like absolute freedom. To emphasize the difference, my mind was saying, “She is an extremely remarkable physical specimen and I am not enough.” Those two clauses do not have to go together! Without comparison, I don’t judge myself. I am free, free, free.

What I’ve related is my process of detangling old stories and emotions, feeling the feels, and expanding awareness from a place of truth to reclaim love and joy.

One sidenote: notice that I didn’t try to say “and I am too” at the end of the statement about the woman. Doing so felt like one of those flimsy, bandaid mantras that feel fake. My peace came from the recognition that it was awesome that the woman is so beautiful and I am absolutely free from the icky that accompanies self-judgment. Knowing the truth of your own unique brilliance comes most profoundly from releasing all the stories and beliefs that are NOT you. Then there is no need for fake mantras. Another side note, when we feel the feelings we are most afraid of, we are invincible.

I was excited to share the whole unfolding with Tom. The most delightful coincidence was that Tom could apply this to a situation he had experienced recently, involving me! I had come home from a visit to a neighbor’s new building project, raving about the creativity and inspiration I had witnessed. As a fellow builder, he admitted that he had felt the zap of ego jealousy, and that his mind was telling the story that I don’t get as excited about his building projects. When I shared my inner being insights he could apply it directly to his experience. “Our neighbor is a creative and inspired builder. Period.”

The truth of this is absolutely beautiful. When we stop comparison we are free to be our own best humans. We release the energies of sadness, not enoughs, shame, jealousy and create from the universal energy that flows freely when we are not blocking it with judgment. We become fearless, joyful, love radiating creators!

Journaling Prompts

Consider a recent comparison or judgment you have made. Write it down.

Say that comparison/judgment aloud.

Are there any emotions present when you say that? Does it sting?

If there are emotions, pause and become present.

Where in your body do you feel the emotion?

What does it feel like?

Does the emotion have shape, color, density?

Allow the emotion to be, while breathing and maintaining awareness. Stay with it. You can do this! Let your body guide you to physically process this emotion. *

When you feel a lightening, see if the comparison/judgment still stings. If so, stay present, stay aware, stay out of the stories.

When you feel the energy has passed, open to clarity. Can you rewrite your initial comparison/judgment statement?

For example, my mind was initially telling the comparison story, ““She is an extremely remarkable physical specimen and I am not enough.” My clarity was, ““She is an extremely remarkable physical specimen!”

If it feels inspired, share any awarenesses, experiences, or questions! xoxox

*crying, yawning, noisy exhales, screaming, moving, dancing, shaking, punching a pillow, etc